Missione Seis: Friendly Competition
by The Derpssassins
Summary: While waiting on their new mission details the derpsassins decide to have a friendly competition to see who is the best assassin.


Missione Seis: Friendly Competition

Glossary

Arrivederci – Good bye

Si cazzo barare! – You fucking cheat!

Perdóname! – Forgive me! (Spanish)

Affonso sighed dismally at his two companions. Honestly, why did he, the _best assassin_, have to put up with these fools? "Oi Fausto I just got it today! You can't expect me to hit the target just yet!" Ottavio glowered at Fausto while clutching his shiny new bow to his chest. "You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn! Why would I expect you to hit a target?" Fausto was grinning wickedly as his partner once again drew the bow and aimed at a target a few meters away. Ottavio's partners allowed him silence while he aimed. _Last time was way to the right, and the time before was way to the left… Surely I just have to adjust to the middle._ Ottavio fired with a triumphant grin. He had it figured out! He heard raucous laughter from the other two assassins. The first arrow had gone left, the second right, the third and final arrow had gone sailing high into the air and landed in the dirt a meter behind the target. "You know Fausto, I _really_ think he would miss the broad side of a barn." Affonso finally managed to gasp out through his barely held back laughter. "I'd like to see you try! It's not as easy as it looks!" Ottavio fiercely tried to defend himself, but was once again met with his friends, and he used the term _friends_ loosely, falling to the ground laughing. "Ottavio, let me just tell you, it certainly does _not_ look easy when you shoot that thing!" Fausto crowed as he held his sides, while keeping a black puppy from licking his face. Affonso pushed himself back into a sitting position wiping the tears from his eyes, "Alright novice, I'll give it a try to appease you." Ottavio bristled at the rose scented assassin's use of novice, but handed the bow over.

Affonso examined the bow carefully, "Novice, surely there was a better bow in the shop. This one will not last you very long, it's very cheaply made." He drew the bow carefully as he regarded the masked assassin. "It was the best price in the shop." Ottavio scowled under his mask at Affonso. "Why are you so cheap, Ottavio? Sometimes it's better to spend a little more for quality." Fausto was smirking at Ottavio's brown leather boots knowing that the masked assassin hated spending the extra money on dyed leather. "If I can get the same thing for a cheaper price what does it matter? Why are we talking about my spending habits anyway! Are you going to fire the bow or not?" Affonso reached for an arrow in the quiver on Ottavio's back and drew the bow. "Patience _novice_." Affonso released the string and the arrow lodged itself neatly into the center of the target. Affonso grinned and handed the bow to a dumbstruck Ottavio. "I am _best_ assassin." Fausto scratched Ezio behind the ears with a laugh, "Don't worry Ottavio, you'll figure it out one day." The masked assassin found himself wishing he had his mace rather than this bow. He couldn't wear both at once and he felt strange without the weight on his back. Ottavio sighed because he knew that he would have to invest in a new mace he could wear at his side. The three assassins continued to argue as Ottavio fired his bow inaccurately at the target.

"Ah! Ottavio you _had_ to be aiming at me that time!" Affonso snapped at the masked assassin who was focused on the target he had yet to hit. "I don't know Affonso, your hair is quite a target all by itself." Fausto grinned at the insulted assassin. A rider galloped over to the three assassins and flipped expertly over his horse's shoulder to stand before them. He was dressed similarly to Fausto marking him as a master assassin. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a letter. "The master has a mission for you. He wants you three to meet him at that location this evening." Affonso and Ottavio leaned in to see the address written on the note and frowned. "Thank you, Manuele. We will meet him there. Did he give a time?" The master assassin shook his head, "I was only asked to deliver that message. Master gave no other information." Ezio barked up at him and pawed his pant leg begging for attention. Manuele frowned slightly before awkwardly patting the puppy on the head. "Sorry pup, I'd rather you were somewhere else." Fausto scowled at Manuele darkly. "What did Ezio do to deserve that?" Manuele shook his head and mounted his horse. "Nothing personal I assure you, I'm allergic is all." He sneezed once as if to prove his point. "Arrivederci, brothers." The three remaining assassins nodded to Manuele and turned to the paper in Fausto's hands.

"We have a few hours until evening. What should we do until then?" Ottavio murmured looking thoughtful. "How about a little friendly competition between assassins?" Fausto suggested and his partners looked incredibly interested. "A competition? What is the prize?" Affonso grinned brightly at the thought. Fausto made a face and Ottavio answered for him, "He said a 'friendly competition' there won't be a prize." Affonso scowled for a long moment. "What's the point then? I'm going to the brothel, I'll meet you at that address later." He turned to go, but Fausto stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "I guess you're afraid that you aren't 'best assassin' and will be beaten by one of us."_That_ ruffled Affonso's feathers and he glared at the higher ranked assassins. "Fine! I will do it and prove that I am _best_ assassin." Ottavio was grinning under his mask, "Where do we start Fausto?" Fausto looked thoughtful and looked at the surrounding area. "I've got it! The first competition is doing that flip thing! The one that Manuele did from his horse!" Affonso looked confidant and Ottavio looked downright deflated. "Fausto, you are against me! Mami will never approve!" It was too late, Affonso and Fausto were already mounted up and waiting on him to fight his way onto Mami's back.

Affonso was tall in the saddle as he looked at Fausto waiting for further instructions or rules. A snort and an angry whinny made him turn to see Ottavio fighting to get Mami to stand as calmly as Brutus and Max. "Alright, we have to do it just like he did. Canter from that fence over there and when you start to stop you have to flip over the shoulder of your horse. Who would like to go first?" Affonso looked evilly over his shoulder at Ottavio and said, "I think Ottavio should go first." A shocked squeak announced how Ottavio felt about that situation. Fausto laughed brightly, "Affonso, you can go first." Affonso frowned, but trotted Max up the road a bit and thought about the flip Manuele had done earlier. He hadn't really seen how Manuele had done it, but Affonso had flipped off a horse backwards surely it was about the same? Affonso kicked his horse into a canter and leaned low on his shoulder. He carefully adjusted himself in his saddle and tugged back on the reins. As Max skidded to a halt Affonso pushed his feet against the stirrups and felt himself leave the saddle. He let his body flip and the rose scented assassin skidded to the dirt. It wasn't a graceful landing, but it certainly was a flip. Affonso brushed the dirt from his robes and grinned, "That wasn't so hard." He pointed straight at Ottavio in challenge, "I bet even a novice like you could do it on that unruly horse of yours." Ottavio was shaking in his boots, but he nodded, "Alright, I will go next then."

Mami fought him the entire way to the fence and Ottavio was beginning to doubt this would be easy. "Oi Mami, if you let me do this, I'll give you extra carrots every day for the rest of your life." Her ear flicked back as if she understood exactly what it was he was saying. "I won't ever do this again, so just this once. Please?" She snorted and Ottavio beamed happily. She had understood! Maybe he would be able to do this after all. He kicked her into a canter with ease and she didn't fight his commands. The masked assassin had never been happier in his life. Ottavio pulled back on the reins and Mami decided that she had had enough. Mami threw her head down and _kicked_. Her back end rose up and Ottavio rose out of the saddle. Ottavio flipped out of the saddle and landed sharply on his butt in front of a satisfied Mami. "Well, I flipped." Fausto shook his head as he laughed. "That doesn't count since Mami helped you out of the saddle." Ottavio glared up at the horse and grabbed the reins hanging down by his hand. "No extra carrots for you! In fact, I shouldn't ever give you carrots again!" Ottavio fumed as Fausto trotted Brutus down the lane laughing the entire way.

At the starting point, Fausto merely frowned thinking about the two attempts he had seen so far. Affonso had done it, but barely. He had still slid onto his ass. Fausto's goal was clear. He had to land on his feet and stay there. Off he went with Brutus cantering lazily down the road. Fausto leaned forward as he had seen Affonso do earlier. He rose comfortably and prepared to slow the giant horse under him. Not far down the road Maximillion flicked his mane and pranced towards Brutus nostrils flared. Fausto frowned, but didn't think this would affect his flip at all. Oh how wrong he was. A simple gesture of impatience to a human, it was entirely different for a horse. Brutus skidded to a halt and sped away from Max. Fausto had been sitting so loosely in the saddle preparing to flip he had easily slipped from the saddle and crashed to the ground. "I'll go get him!" Ottavio called and kicked Mami after the much larger horse. She tossed her head and snorted before bolting after Brutus. Affonso was laughing brightly. "Ha! I guess this means I am _best_ assassin." Fausto glared up at him. "If your horse hadn't spooked Brutus somehow I would have been just fine!" Affonso clicked his tongue and waved a finger, "Excuses, excuses. You need to keep better control of your beast." Ottavio returned on Brutus with Mami being pulled along by the reins. "I was sure I'd come in last, but at least I went _over_ my horses head and not off to the side." Fausto growled under his breath before perking up. "Well we still have a lot of time to kill, so let's keep going until we meet with the Master." The other assassin's nodded and Affonso spoke up, "I will pick the next competition. After all, if you pick them all it will hardly be fair." They were silent for a moment but agreed. "So, what did you have in mind Affonso?" Ottavio asked suspiciously. "We will see who can pick up a lady the fastest. I'll go first so I can show you novices how it's done." Ottavio and Fausto exchanged glances and took to the rooftops to watch the master work.

They watched the streets keeping an eye out for Affonso sauntering through the area. "What do you suppose he means by pick up a lady?" Ottavio asked dismally. Fausto shrugged while cuddling Ezio, "Knowing him it could be anything from casual banter or a quick run to a bed." Ottavio scowled under his mask. "I haven't tried picking up a lady in a long time." Fausto shrugged, "I haven't either, look there he is!" Fausto pointed down at Affonso striding through the crowd. He had this strange swagger about him and his partners could see the ladies in the area all looking at him. Affonso picked his target and sauntered over. "Is walking like that a requirement?" Fausto asked with a look that was a mix of confusion and disgust. Ottavio could only shrug as he studied Affonso's technique. Affonso leaned on the wall next to his target talking quietly into her ear. She seemed to giggle helplessly. "Girls are really into such things?" Ottavio asked his eyebrows knitted together. Fausto just shook his head. The girl leaned in to say something to Affonso or so it looked until he tipped his head and kissed her. Fausto and Ottavio turned and looked at each other with wide eyes. "Er… I don't think I can do that." Ottavio looked dumbstruck. When they looked back down Affonso was gone and the girl he had seduced was leaning against the wall as if she was about to faint. Affonso appeared a second later beside Ottavio. "_That_ my boys, is how it's done! Fausto your turn." Fausto nodded stiffly and slowly clambered down the side of the building.

"So, we have to get a kiss out of the ladies then?" Ottavio asked simply not trying to hide his uncertainty. Affonso looked at him for a long moment. "Yeah, is that a problem?" He didn't wait for Ottavio to answer before he continued. "I'm sure you look just fine under that mask. My guess for why you even wear it is because you're so strikingly handsome it would only be a burden if you showed your face." Ottavio sagged. Before Affonso could question the masked assassin, Ottavio turned and pointed down to Fausto sitting on a bench next to another assassin. Affonso stiffened at the sight. "Is that Celia? Idiota, she wouldn't fall for my charms so why would he think she would be interested in _him_?" Ottavio frowned when he saw Fausto reach inconspicuously behind him to his belt. "Si cazzo barare!" Ottavio growled under his breath. Affonso turned to the masked assassin with a questioning gaze, "How can you tell? He may have reached for a gift of some sort." Ottavio just shook his head. "Trust me, I know exactly where he keeps his purse." Fausto leaned in and his partners weren't even watching anymore. "I should hang him from the roof by his hood." Ottavio muttered darkly. "Hah! I will assist you." Affonso checked his pouches for something to pin the master novice to the side of the building as Fausto pulled himself up beside them. "I do believe that I have picked up a lady faster than you have Affonso." Fausto was smirking at Affonso as Ottavio dropped down to the streets below.

"We know you paid her, idiota." Affonso raised a brow at the suddenly scowling Fausto. "Surely you jest. I would never pay a woman for such a thing." Affonso puffed up his chest and wagged his finger in Fausto's face. "Perhaps the next time you grab for your purse it won't be in plain sight to your partners above." Fausto stiffened and turned towards Ottavio weaving through the streets below. Affonso rubbed his beard thoughtfully, "How do you think he'll do? He has no confidence with the ladies, so I doubt they will even look at him." Fausto shook his head and was silent for a long moment. "I don't really know how he'll do. I've never even seen him look at a lady since he got here. Though it might have something to do with-" Affonso pointed frantically below at Ottavio sitting on a bench with a few young women sitting around him. "F-fausto! How is that even possible! He hasn't even _done_ anything!" Ottavio seemed to be talking to them, but his partners were too far away to tell. Whatever he was doing, the ladies were very interested and seemed to hang on his every word. "I, Adonis, must learn his secret! What is he _doing_ down there?" Affonso reached into his pouch and frantically applied more rose scented oil and attempted to fix his hair while Fausto laughed at Affonso's desperate attempt to upstage the masked assassin below. Fausto and little Ezio held Affonso on the roof until Ottavio returned once again with the visible parts of his cheeks tinged pink. "What did you _do!_" Affonso demanded. Ottavio merely shrugged, "I think the mask makes me more mysterious or something like that." Affonso's jaw dropped and he was rendered speechless. "The next competition is my choice then, right?"

"So, you want us to do what exactly?" Affonso asked the masked assassin standing under a great stone arch. Fausto was looking suspiciously at a smug Ottavio and waited for the masked assassin to explain himself. "Well, we are going to have a little race. First, you have to climb to the top of the aqueduct. Then, you ride the waters and fall into the spring at the end." Both Fausto and Affonso stiffened visibly. "You can't be serious!" Affonso cried and pointed straight to his hair, "I will not be messing up my hair today!" Ottavio just shrugged. "Are you sure that we have to jump into that spring so far below the aqueduct?" Fausto was looking up at the stone structure before them. "Yes." Ottavio was set on this particular challenge. The last two challenges were things he wasn't comfortable with so these two should have to do the same. "Alright you two, stand in a line and we will go on three." They lined up facing the aqueduct and mentally prepared themselves for the race. "One, two, _three!_" The three assassins were off leaving Ezio to follow them on the ground.

Affonso hit the wall first and began his ascent with ease. Ottavio and Fausto scrambled to the wall not far behind. The rose scented assassin rolled onto the top of the aqueduct and froze. There was more water than he had anticipated. His hair would get wet no matter what he did. This realization gave Ottavio and Fausto enough time to catch up and pass him as they jumped into the cold water. "Mama Perdóname! I will not look my best on this day!" Affonso yelled and jumped into the water after his friends. With the water helping the assassins along the race became more of a waterslide brawl. They beat each other and shoved to try to get ahead of one another to make it to the end of the aqueduct first. With a firm shove Fausto easily passed by Affonso leaving only Ottavio in his path. He could see the end of the line and knew that he _needed_ to get past the masked assassin. Fausto reached forward and made a grab for Ottavio's hood. He had missed, but just barely. Fausto streamlined his body to gain speed and once again grabbed for that white hood. He curled his fingers in the coarse material and pulled. With a yelp Ottavio was pulled back and Fausto flew forward out into the abyss. A scream erupted from Fausto's throat as he flailed towards the oncoming spring. Desperately he tried to get his feet under him in an attempt to keep from landing on his face. Even though he landed feet first, he hit the water with a resounding _smack_. Fausto let himself slip to the bottom of the spring until two more splashes told him the other assassins had landed. He swam to the surface with a grin. "Hah! I won!" Ottavio and Affonso were scowling at him. "What? I won fair and square." Affonso ran his fingers through his hair as if it would stand again, "Well that's all well and good, but if Ottavio or I had won we would know who is '_best_ assassin'. As it is, we have a three way tie." Ottavio clambered out of the water and began to wring out his hood. "There isn't really enough time for another competition either." Ezio barked happily as he ran up, finally catching up with his assassins. Fausto sat next to him and passed the puppy a piece of sopping wet jerky to chew on. "I got it!" Affonso yelled suddenly, "A race! To the meeting with the Master." The other assassins perked up and waited until Ezio was done eating his jerky to get ready to run across the district.

"So, everyone knows where they're going then?" Fausto asked and got two nods, "and everyone knows what the prize is?" Another set of nods. "Alright then, on three! One, two, _three!_" The assassins were running blindly across Rome with only one thing in mind 'Make it to the address _first_'. It wasn't far enough to need horses, but Affonso jumped onto Maximillion anyways. Travelling by horse was always faster! What he didn't expect was a wave of citizens filing in and out of stalls on a lovely evening for shopping. Forced to slow, Affonso had to weave around people to avoid running them over. He cursed knowing this would hurt his chances. Fausto had a different approach, he bolted through the side streets on foot. It would be a little longer than horseback, but there were less people and if he hit them it wasn't as bad as running them over with a horse. Unfortunately a man carrying a heavy box stepped directly into his path. "My apologies." The resulting crash had all the guards in the area chasing him down. A string of guards in tow he bolted through the alleys trying to lose them. Ottavio immediately took to the rooftops and ran around archers calling for him to get down. A loud crash made him glance down and see Fausto running around a broken box with guards chasing him. With a laugh Ottavio continued forward and yelped with an arrow bounced off of a roof tile next to him. "Damned archers." Ottavio bolted behind a chimney and held his position until another nearby archer spotted him and readied his bow. "This is not my day!"

Ezio sat quietly in a small restaurant waiting for his novices to arrive. He stared out the window knowing they would arrive soon. The door was left open and soon a black, fuzzy puppy came waltzing in like he owned the place. Ezio watched as the puppy strode over and sat down directly next to his chair. He reached down and scratched the puppy's ears. Ezio had seen the puppy with his novices before, so with luck they would arrive in the next few minutes. The Master nudged the puppy with his foot. The silence was broken when three young men tried to force their way through the door at the same time. "Get out of my way! I am _best_ assassin!" "Oi you stepped on my foot!" "Just get through the door dammit! The Master is waiting!" Ezio just shook his head and placed his face in his hands. The assassins finally seated themselves before their master all breathing like they had just run from one end of the district to the other. "So Master, which one of us arrived first?" Affonso puffed unable to hide his curiosity. The other assassins nodded unable to get the words out. Ezio shook his head and said, "I believe he made it first." And pointed down next to his feet where little Ezio was curled up on his foot. "What! We were beaten by a puppy!" Ottavio looked absolutely stunned. "How did he even?" Fausto was dumbstruck. "I am _best_ assassin! How could I be beaten by a puppy! I can't believe this!" Ezio sighed as he began to inform the deflated assassins of their new mission over dinner.


End file.
